3. Give me a second to catch my breath

3. Give me a second to catch my breath

Here I am, reflecting on my life whilst sat on the sofa looking out at the park again. In my head I was trying to figure out how this all happened. A month ago, my life was plodding along as normal. Now I am an ill, soon to be jobless woman moving to Canada. This was a real turning point in my life and I needed to adapt quickly. Let me just pause for a minute and make sure I got this straight in my head...I have been with the man of my dreams for just over a year. It is clear to see he is your soul mate and best friend otherwise you wouldn’t do this you stupid woman. He has a great career...yes he has. Now his hard work and dedication has paid off as he has been offered this great opportunity...yep, that’s right too.

Now here I am. Why am I in shock? It’s fair to say I haven’t had the easiest of lives. I wasn’t born into a rich family nor had the greatest of opportunities in my life.  My life started off, as my mother puts it, a pleasant surprise for her at the age of seventeen. Birmingham, England was where I was born and grew up. For the majority of my childhood I grew up in a council flat, which isn’t the most desirable of places to live. Through the innocence of my eyes the majority of my neighbours were nice and we looked after each other. However, we did have the Police raid the drug-dealers next door the once. I remember the drug-users, alcoholics, criminals and domestic abuse in my block of flats too.  As a Brummie (someone from Birmingham) kid, I soon had to become streetwise and had my eyes exposed to a lot growing up. As a child, you soon get to know your place in society but it didn’t mean it couldn’t change or you have to settle for that. In my teenage years, the council finally offered my mom, her partner and I a move to a council house. It was only because the Council wanted to knock down our rundown block, otherwise we could have been there for much longer. The house was a huge upgrade in comparison to what we were used to. We had two lovely elderly married couples either side of us. At this point my mom had been with her partner for eight years and it wasn’t long until my beautiful brother arrived. I went on to achieve all my GSCE’s whilst at a low-achieving school. There were a few years of me not knowing what I wanted to do and I attended College and Sixth Form, but dropped out. These years involved a lot of drinking and partying. Eventually, through ambition and the right support around me, I did go to University. This was an opportunity to make my life better. However, this is where I faced another challenge; I was diagnosed with Dyslexia. At the age of 21 years old, I had to accept the label of a learning disability – being dis-abled. That annoyed me, I was not disabled i.e. hindered, restricted or stopped. I just had to learn differently. Yes, it took me longer to read or write but I still could do it. I was determined and I was going to get my degree! Fast forward three years, I left University with a 2:1 Classification and I was a qualified Social Worker. After my chances of succeeding in life, I was proud and had an overwhelming sense of achievement. I went on to have a few challenging and intense Social Work and Family Support jobs. As much as I loved this work, my health was persuading me to say goodbye to it.

‘One day you can be a victim but the very next day you can be a survivor and fighter.’ – Francine Gibbs 2017

My life was changing. My body was forcing me to reflect on my life and look after myself more. Yet, I could not get my breath. Okay, my health was not great but my life was changing for the better. Due to past experiences, it was difficult for me to accept things were so good. I was always facing life with my fists clenched and standing like Muhammad Ali ready for a fight. This was the first time in my life that I could relax. I didn’t need to fight this; I just needed to go with the flow.